While I did give up the idea of getting a PCB printed and back to me in time to hang on the tree, I ran into something last night that gave me a little hope, provided I can get better at soldering, of finishing some kind of ornament.
I was looking at circuits last night on Instagram (heh) and I ran across a term I'd never heard before: Dead Bug Soldering. And I also found an example of the technique that blew my mind.
His whole feed is a completely different way to think about circuit construction that didn't even occur to me https://www.instagram.com/mohitbhoite/. It's interesting to me because it's low voltage, so it's safe to handle; the support comes from brass hobby rods that double as wires; and the resulting circuit is much closer to a sculpture.
Update: After reading a bit more I realized the correct term is "freeform", where "dead bug" refers to specifically soldering the IC pins in this fashion. Also I added the ability to update my posts so they get updated in your newsreaders. :)