I've somehow managed to get on a blogger mailing list (if you manage one, please remove me) for marketers and have started to accumulate requests to test products (no thanks, just send cash), requests to post about issues I care so much about that they've even prepared a block of text for me to write and link to (so thoughtful), and my favorite: help me raise money just because I can send an email.
Today I received a lengthy, long, (wow) so very long email from someone in the latter group. With the name "Accountability And Reform" (read: "I am important, give me money") as the name of their GMail account, she or he started with:
We love your blog and realize this is not about design but would welcome the opportunity to discuss this very important issue within your community.
It will take five minutes to read this and another five minutes to take action, proposed below. Your action could literally change the world. This is a non-partisan issue! Please post this on liberal AND conservative blogs.
[[twenty (!) some odd paragraphs about injustices and the United Nations-bark-bark-bark-bark-bark snipped to save you the embarrassment of shitting yourself with boredom]]
My response, was snarky. If they're going to waste a few minutes of my time I might as well say "thanks!" and point out they got ripped off when he bought that list of emails to spam:
Also: my blog isn't about design. It makes "With Respect." fall flat.
Their reply was, thankfully, brief:
Have fun as you ignore the world's problems.
Wha? I wasn't ignoring the world's problems, just this stupid email. But really, the world's problems are at stake and I am antogonizing its last hope?!
Yeah. Plus I hate confused and crappy marketing messages. I hate fake sincerity. Or, at least, if it's fake, let's all make fun of it. They could have responded with, "okay, yeah, we're just trying to get the word out...blah blah" and talk to me like a human. I'm pointing out how silly the "With respect" line is when it's obvious they've never seen my site. Design? Hellooooooo white-space.
Self-righteousness. What a surprise.
How dare you tell me you "love my blog." You're lying and you're spamming me. I never signed up to be on your mailing list. Why should anyone read your letter if you're being insincere?
You can't even be a good internet citizen and respect people's inboxes...but good luck on finger wagging at organizations you don't agree with.
Listen a-hole. I thought your site was about website design. I had read something awhile back and either you or someone who posted was talking about design. We have much bigger problems than your ego to deal with right now. Don't bother responding. We won't respond. (emphasis mine)
Is it really being polite when you call someone an a-hole? Call me an asshole for chrissakes if you think I'm being an asshole. A-hole is kind of an insult on some strange level I don't understand. Do you flip your ring finger at people when you're mad at them? I bet you do, you dim-ass.
Did you just say "la la la I can't hear you la la la"?