Oddly enough I spent most of my birthday alone in our office, since everyone was out and working remote, I had I pretty quiet day in Ross.

My girlfriend and I ask each other how or days went at the end of the day, and tonight I will say it was a "good" day, though it's become harder to answer that question recently. Every day I make a list of the things I need to do, carrying over un-finished items from the previous day, and then with some respect to priority go about crossing them off. Repeat.

Before I started here, if I got a majority of them done I'd consider it a "good" day. If I got all of them done, giving myself the afternoon to screw with some new API, that was even better.

I don't know where I was going with this, or maybe I do, but though my days are "good" (in that I get a lot of things done) sometimes they aren't the things I need to be doing to get further with my main objective here. Having the flexibility of a larger company, with options for delegation (and producers waving schedules) and feeling out how to proceed with other engineers, are missed on a day when I am literally alone and running through my tasks.

That's why it's been hard to say I had a "good" day. Pretty much every day is a good one when I really think about it, but some days I feel like I ran five miles and only got about five feet. Today is one of those days.

PS, I'm about a million times happier in what I do now compared to before, in case that wasn't clear. I think turning 33 (1/3 of 100! I exclaimed to Amber this morning), sitting in the dark in this stable house, and seeing my days fly by with a bunch of crossed off items but many more pages to fill in my little moleskine, is a bit daunting. But I wanted daunting tasks, and daunting tasks I have.

PPS, I actually wrote this on a day where I got the chance talk to another engineer about the project and I think it reminded me of what I used to have, causing me to reflect on my current situation. Since he's contributing more and more now, I think it will help lift me out of this state.

PPPS, This is the first post in a long time I've written and not immediately sent to draft in MarsEdit for being so personal. It's my birthday, dammit.